A Play in Seven Scenes
by
Zara Zemmels
Cast of Characters:
AIDAN
ADAM
DANICA
JOHN
KARI
Ms. CURRIO
Mrs. BAYER
Dr. BAYER
TIME
Sometime in the next fifty years
Scene 1
Two cells stand onstage, a bunk bed in each. AIDAN sits in the right cell, DANICA on the floor in the left, KARI clutching her knees on the top bunk. ADAM enters carrying three plates covered in plastic.
ADAM
Alright guys, dinner.
AIDAN
Aww, I’m tired of peanut butter and jelly.
DANICA
Yum.
AIDAN
Can you ask them to make me a turkey one? I don’t even need mayonnaise.
ADAM
Enjoy your dinner Aidan. (Exits)
AIDAN
Man, I hate peanut butter and jelly.
DANICA
I’ll have it.
AIDAN
No, I’m hungry. What about you Kari? You like PB and J? (no response) Yeah, me neither. You want some of my chips Kari? (Nothing.) Alright, more for me.
DANICA
Maybe she doesn’t remember how to talk.
AIDAN
She remembers she’ll just talk when she wants to.
DANICA
(Quietly to AIDAN) She better remember soon. Her due date’s coming up.
AIDAN
Hush, Danica.
ADAM
(ADAM enters, guiding JOHN by the arm.) Kids, I’ve got some big news. We’ve got a new friend today. This is John. He’s going to be sharing a bunk with Aidan for a while.
DANICA
But he’s white.
ADAM
Orphans can be white too, Danica. Now you guys be extra nice to him okay? He’s been having a rough week. (Opening cell) Aidan why don’t you let John have that top bunk?
AIDAN
Okay.
ADAM
(Shuts cell) Feel better buddy. I’ll be back in a little while to bring you some PB and J. (Exits)
AIDAN
You can have the top or the bottom bunk, I don’t care. (JOHN collapses in the bottom bunk and starts crying.)Hey. Hey it’s okay. We were all really sad when we came here too. You can go ahead and cry. Did your mommy die? (JOHN nods) That sucks. Me and Danica lost our parents in the war. It’s okay though, cause we come from the same place. We think Kari’s parents died in the tsunami but we’re not sure, she doesn’t talk. We’ll be your friends though.
DANICA
Aidan, why’s he crying?
AIDAN
He lost his mommy.
DANICA
Hey. Hey white kid. I’m sorry you’re mommy died.
AIDAN
Let’s leave him alone, Danica. Do you want to play cards?
DANICA
Go fish!
AIDAN
Okay.(AIDAN deals cards between the bars separating their cells.) Let’s see. Any…fours?
DANICA
Go fish. Any… jacks?
AIDAN
Go fish.
JOHN
(After a few moments) When did you guys get here?
AIDAN
Us? I got here eight and a half months ago I think. Danica got here three months ago. Kari came here from another orphanage about two months ago. She hasn’t said anything since she got here. (pause) Where are you from?
JOHN
Tennessee.
DANICA
Where’s that?
JOHN
You don’t know where Tennessee is?
(They shake their heads)
Tennessee is here, in America. Down South.
AIDAN
Oh, I see.
JOHN
Do you mind if I play for a while?
AIDAN
Sure.
JOHN
How’d you learn to play go fish? Do they have that where you come from?
DANICA
Adam showed it to us.
JOHN
He’s that guy who brought me in here?
DANICA
Yeah, he’s really nice. You’ll like him a lot. (Yawning) I’m bored with cards. I’m going to take a nap.
AIDAN
Okay. (Pause) You’ll be okay here you know.
JOHN
It’s not so much that anymore. I’m just really scared of not getting adopted. This sucks.
AIDAN
I never think about it. Especially not in front of Danica. I gotta be strong, you know? Like my dad.
JOHN
I know. It’s just really scary. I feel really bad, and I loved my mom a lot, but I really didn’t want her to die ‘cause if she did I’d have to come here. I just kept thinking about myself and not about her.
AIDAN
It’s okay. We’re all scared. You just get used to it after a while. You can’t be sad all the time. It’s like a blister. After a while it’s all hard and you don’t even notice it.
JOHN
Sorry I was rude earlier. It just happened fast.
AIDAN
I don’t blame you. I remember what it’s like.
JOHN
I’ll try not to show it so much from now on. You know, for the girls.
AIDAN
Yeah. For the girls.
Scene 2
The kids all hanging out in their “rooms” onstage. Voice from offstage: “I do want a little girl. I’ve always wanted a little girl. I’m not so picky about her age as long as she’s younger than seven…”
ADAM enters with a woman.
ADAM
Of course ma’am. It’s great thing you’re doing. You know it’s so hard for them the older they get, and who wouldn’t want to save a child?
(The kids all stand up except KARI who stays on her bunk.)
Kids I want you to say hi to Ms. Currio, she wanted to come meet you guys. (Tense silence, ADAM clears his throat.) Ms. Currio this is Aidan, John, Danica and Kari. Kari? Why don’t you come down for a second and say hi to Ms. Currio?
Kari is really just such a sweetheart if you spend a few minutes with her. Kari? I know how excited you are to meet visitors, you know we don’t see as many as we used to. Come on down sweetheart. She’s a little shy, she just gets so excited sometimes.
(KARI scoots down off the bed.) Danica, why don’t you and Kari come say hello.
DANICA
(Holding out her hand.) Nice to meet you Miss Currio.
CURRIO
The pleasure’s all mine sweetheart. You’re name’s Danica? That’s pretty. My mother’s name is Monica those are almost the same.
DANICA
Except mine has a D. I spell it D-A-N-I-C-A. Like Dan at the beginning.
CURRIO
That’s very nice. Aren’t you smart. How old are you?
DANICA
(DANICA holds up her hands.) This many.
CURRIO
How nice. Aren’t you just a sweetheart.
ADAM
Ms. Currio, let me introduce you to Kari. Like I said she’s just a little shy.
CURRIO
Hello Kari. How old are you?
ADAM
Show her how old you are Kari. (KARI shakes her head.) Kari.
(KARI whispers something.)
CURRIO
I’m sorry dear?
KARI
Nine.
CURRIO
How nice. What do you like to do?
(KARI shrugs)
AIDAN
She likes drawing. I see her draw all the time. She’s really good. And she likes Peanut Butter and Jelly. It’s her favorite she gets so excited when we have Peanut Butter and Jelly for lunch.
ADAM
(Laughing.) Of course, Kari’s a wonderful artist.
CURRIO
I see. I’m sure you’ll be an excellent painter when you grow up. What about you Danica, what do you like?
DANICA
Swimming!
CURRIO
Really? Did you know I have a pool at my house?
DANICA
Oh my gosh, really? I haven’t been swimming since back in India.
CURRIO
How would you like to come try it out next weekend?
DANICA
I don’t think Adam would let me.
CURRIO
Of course he will. Mr. Chapman can always send one of his friends to keep an eye on us while we swim. Can’t you do that?
ADAM
Of course Ms. Currio. Don’t you also collect art? I’m sure that’s very exciting for Kari.
CURRIO
Yes, I’m sure. Danica, I’m going to go talk to Mr. Chapman about us having a play date. Would you be alright with that?
DANICA
Yeah! Is there ice cream at your house?
CURRIO
No, but I’ll be sure to get some.
DANICA
Awesome!
CURRIO
Alright sweetheart, I’ll see you later then.
DANICA
Bye!
ADAM
Say bye kids.
KIDS
Bye.
(ADAM and CURRIO exit.)
DANICA
Aidan! Did you hear? I might get to go swimming!
AIDAN
That’s awesome Danica.
DANICA
I wish you could come too. I was gonna ask her but I didn’t think Adam would say it was okay. I heard the lady say she wanted a girl…
AIDAN
It’s okay. I’ll go swimming sometime.
JOHN
(Quietly to AIDAN.) What was that about? Why wouldn’t Kari talk to that lady?
AIDAN
I don’t know. She never talks.
JOHN
What were you guys doing? It seemed like you and Adam were trying to get Ms. Currio not to adopt Danica.
AIDAN
That’s not it. It’s just that—-well anyone would want to adopt Danica. Kari…I don’t know if she can get adopted. And if she won’t act cute then we have to help her.
JOHN
Oh. Should say something?
AIDAN
I don’t think that lady ever thought at all about Kari. She was just trying to be nice to her. I bet she came in knowing she wanted to talk to Danica. And Danica sure is adorable.
JOHN
Yeah.
AIDAN
We gotta keep trying though. Next time someone comes in, we gotta tell ‘em how great Kari is. You’ll help right?
JOHN
Yeah, sure.
Scene 3
Lights up, enter ADAM with Dr. and Mrs. Bayer.
ADAM
And this is section seven of the five-to-eleven-year-olds. You can see we’ve got the kids in separate rooms, two each, to keep them under control. It can get pretty wild here sometimes. Kids can get emotional, as you know, so we make sure we’ve got them well secured at all times. Hi kids. This is Dr. and Mrs. Bayer. They’ve been very nice. They donated a lot of money to help you guys out. Why don’t you give them a little thank you.
KIDS
Thanks.
JOHN
That up there is Kari. She’s really special. Do you think you want to adopt a little girl?
(Dr. and Mrs. look at each other, ADAM laughs awkwardly.)
ADAM
John’s new here, just arrived last week from Tennessee. You can tell he really cares about his wing-mates.
Mrs. BAYER
How nice. You know I spent a few years in Tennessee during college. It’s a very nice place.
JOHN
Yeah, it is. I bet Kari would love it there.
Mrs. BAYER
(Laughing.) I’m sure she would. John. What a strong name. Do you know how you got your name?
JOHN
My dad. But there was also John Hancock and John in the bible. My handwriting is really bad so I wish I wasn’t named after people who wrote stuff.
Dr. BAYER
Well that’s just fine. You’ve got plenty of time to get good at it.
JOHN
Yeah, I guess I do. I don’t think Kari can write though. Maybe you could teach her? You guys donate money right? I bet she learns real fast if you hire a tutor.
ADAM
Alright John, let’s not get ahead of ourselves. Mr. and Mrs. Bayer are just here to inspect the facility, see what we’re doing with their money. They’re not looking into any adopting in the near future.
Mrs. BAYER
Oh, now, I don’t know if that’s necessarily true, Adam.
ADAM
Really?
JOHN
Really?
Mrs. BAYER
I mean, we’ve spent plenty of money on this facility. It would make a lot of sense for us to get to know the children. Don’t you think so hun?
Dr. BAYER
I—-suppose so. Why don’t we talk about that later honey, we’re right in the middle of a tour here.
Mrs. BAYER
You’re right. (Reaching out to shake JOHN’s hand.) It was very nice to meet you Mr. John Hancock.
JOHN
(Shaking her hand.) Just John though. Bad handwriting.
Mrs. BAYER
I see. Well I’m sure I’ll see you later John.
JOHN
Remember what I said about Kari okay? It’s really important.
Mrs. BAYER
Alright. I will. Bye.
JOHN
Bye.
ADAM and the BAYER’s exit.
Scene 4
Lights up. AIDAN holding the bars of his cell, looking concerned. KARI still on her bunk, DANICA missing. ADAM enters with food.
ADAM
Well it looks like Danica and Ms. Currio are hitting it off. This thing may have a happy ending for her after all. How are you two doing?
AIDAN
Adam? What happened to John? We haven’t seen him in three days and you haven’t said anything about where he went.
ADAM
(ADAM hands AIDAN his food and sits down tiredly.) I’ve been meaning to tell you about that Aidan. It’s just been so busy lately. Do you remember Mr. and Mrs. Bayer?
AIDAN
Uh-huh.
ADAM
Well they just adopted John. Just like that. I’ve never seen that happen before. Mrs. Bayer was just so taken with him I guess, she told me the next day she was interested in adopting.
AIDAN
You didn’t let him say goodbye?
ADAM
There was no time. They took John for a tour of their house and that was it, it’s been nothing but paperwork the last three days. I hope you don’t feel too upset about it. This is a really great thing for John.
AIDAN
Yeah. Yeah, I guess so. (Quietly) Didn’t you tell them about Kari?
ADAM
I know Aidan. I know you really want her to get adopted but there’s just nothing I can do. You can’t make people want a child, no matter much she needs them.
AIDAN
But she’ll die! Don’t they care?
ADAM
The Bayers know what happens to kids here. They pay for it all, they know exactly what happens. But they understand that this happens all the time. They can’t save everyone. Neither can you. The sooner you accept that Aidan the happier you’ll be.
AIDAN
How can people be that way?
ADAM
Do you think it’s better to let you all starve? What would have happened to you kids if we just left you on the streets in India and China? You wouldn’t have had a chance at all. At least here you guys can be safe for a while. It’s better than letting you starve to death.
AIDAN
(Crying.) I don’t understand.
ADAM
I don’t expect you to.
AIDAN
(Getting closer.) Have you heard anything about me? You know my due date is getting closer.
ADAM
(Puts a hand on AIDAN’s shoulder.) I haven’t heard anything
Aidan. I’ll let you know when I do. Just keep a good face
on alright? I need you to be strong for us.
(AIDAN nods.)
Okay. Get some rest why don’t you.
AIDAN
(Gets in bed) Adam? How come you don’t have any kids?
ADAM
Goodnight Aidan.
Scene 5
Lights up, AIDAN pacing nervously. He is the only one onstage. Enter ADAM.
AIDAN
Adam you can’t let them! We have to stop them!
ADAM
Shhh. Aidan, I need you to calm down. There’s nothing we can do.
AIDAN
You adopt her! How can you let this happen? You’re such a jerk! (AIDAN sits on his bed and cries.)
ADAM
You know why I work here Aidan? So I can try and make you guys feel a little happy for a while. I know you’ve all spent your lives being miserable. I know it seems like we’re horrible people doing this but you have to understand it could be so much worse. This is the only thing we can do to help you.
AIDAN
You’re killing us to help us?
ADAM
You know why I don’t have kids? I’d never be able to watch this happen otherwise. I’d always see my kid in you guys. I wouldn’t be able to do my job anymore. Then who would take care of you?
AIDAN
Then why do you let it happen? Why can’t you just adopt us?
ADAM
I just can’t.
(AIDAN cries for a minute.)
I know Kari appreciates you trying so hard for her.
AIDAN
No she doesn’t. If she did she would’ve tried to save herself.
ADAM
Maybe that was her way of trying to save you guys? Getting out of the way, making people see how great you are when you try to help her. (Long silence.) Danica’s going to be adopted. I found out today. We just have to turn in the papers. Be happy about it Aidan. Things didn’t end well for Kari, but just know Danica’s going to be happy. Just think about that.
(ADAM starts to leave.)
AIDAN
Adam? Have you heard of anyone who might want to adopt me?
(ADAM pauses then exits.)
Scene 6
Lights up. DANICA is shoving all her clothes into a tiny bag, letting her dolls dance around across her bed.
DANICA
And we’re gonna go to the beach, and we’re gonna go to the movies, and we’re gonna go to Chuckie Cheese’s and we’re gonna have pizza every Friday. Aw, Aidan, I wish you could come.
AIDAN
No, then there wouldn’t be nearly enough pizza for both of us.
DANICA
(Goes to the barrier between hers and AIDAN’s cell.) I’m going to miss you so much Aidan. You’re like my big brother.
AIDAN
(Gets up and takes her hands.) You’re going to be having so much fun at school you’ll hardly have time to think of me.
DANICA
(Hugs him awkwardly through the bars.) That’s not true. I’ll think of you every day. I promise. Even on Christmas. And my birthday.
AIDAN
I’ll think of you too. (DANICA starts crying.) Danica? What the matter? I thought you were so happy.
DANICA
I’m just really scared for you! What if you don’t get adopted? I was sad about Kari but you have to promise me you won’t let that happen to you.
AIDAN
I promise.
DANICA
How much time do you have left?
AIDAN
Plenty.
DANICA
You’re lying.
AIDAN
Am not, believe me, I have plenty.
(ADAM enters. He and AIDAN look at each other.)
ADAM
Time to go sweet pea.
DANICA
(Wipes her eyes.) I love you. Call me when you get adopted. We can go swimming.
AIDAN
I will. I love you too.
(DANICA and ADAM exit. Lights out.)
Scene 7
(Spotlight on AIDAN. Sitting on the edge of his bed, looking distressed. ADAM enters, standing outside the circle of light.)
AIDAN
Is it time?
(ADAM nods. He opens the cell for AIDAN. AIDAN hugs him.)
AIDAN
If I had new father I’d want it to be you.
ADAM
I had you rescheduled for tomorrow morning.
AIDAN
Oh. So what are you doing here?
ADAM
I don’t know how you got out.
AIDAN
Huh?
ADAM
I don’t know how you got out. You must have figured out how to pick the lock or something.
AIDAN
(Long pause.) Where did I go?
ADAM
You must have gone down the back stairway to the right. To the bus station five blocks from the exit. (Slips a wad of dollars into AIDAN’s hand. AIDAN takes it, stares at it, then back at ADAM.) No one noticed you were gone until the morning.
(They hug.)
Bye Aidan. Kids like you are the reason I don’t have children. If I had a child he’d be just like you.
(AIDAN takes the money and runs offstage. Lights out.)
END
the formats a little wonky from the copy-paste but you get the idea.
ReplyDeleteSo I was surprised at how much I liked the characters. The concept was easy to understand, but you still managed to convey a lot of depth to the topic that made it feel fresh. The characters also had a lot of depth, which I liked. They came across well to me as a reader.
ReplyDeleteAdam was ambiguously nice enough that the ending fit his character without being obvious, so that was great.
Overall, it could have benefitted from a little proof reading, but the mistakes weren't ever so bad that they distracted from the story you were telling.
The only critiscm I have is that the adoptive parents were all similar, but I think it was intentional so I'm not even sure I'd count that as a criticism .
I typed this all on my iPhone so I hope it makes sense.
<3 Liv
The whole time I was wondering what's going on with this war? Why is the orphanage like a prison? Why are these kids so incredibly kind-hearted and keep putting Kari ahead of themselves?
ReplyDeleteI got SO excited at: "AIDAN: But she’ll die! Don’t they care?
ADAM: The Bayers know what happens to kids here. They pay for it all, they know exactly what happens. But they understand that this happens all the time. They can’t save everyone. Neither can you. The sooner you accept that Aidan the happier you’ll be."
when it all finally came together for me. Brilliant idea!
John's character was the most well-developed in my opinion, which I found a bit strange since he was more of a side character. I especially wanted more character development for Adam. I disagree with Liv about the adoptive parents. I kind of liked that they all seemed the same. It definitely seemed to me like they were taking the whole thing about as seriously as picking out a puppy at the pound, which I think is what you were going for.
I didn't really understand why the kids were in cells with bars, but I thought that actually worked with the scene direction and story line.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Tori about John's character being the most well-developed. I wish he would have remained in the story a bit longer. Until the very end, Adam felt like a flat character with nothing to bring to the story.
I absolutely loved this line:
DANICA:
And we’re gonna go to the beach, and we’re gonna go to the movies, and we’re gonna go to Chuckie Cheese’s and we’re gonna have pizza every Friday.
I could just picture her character saying that and how she would be reacting on stage!
Overall, I really liked it!
The concept of the story and the setting (sometime 50 years in the future) are so great because they are so relevant. Over crowding and over population has obviously become an issue in modern times and to toy with that idea, in any way, makes the story completely relevant whether you are a proponent of the things you insinuate throughout your play or not.
ReplyDeleteLIke some others said, I noticed many grammatical errors throughout - nothing serious that you couldn't catch with just one or two more proof reads.
The way you play with a sort of opposite pseudo utilitarian philosophy throughout the play is very thought provoking; i.e. "Do you think it’s better to let you all starve?"
The dialogue does a very good job of explaining the story so that the author doesn't have to, but I also felt at times that the very young characters knew too much for their age. That isn't to say that 5-11 year old kids aren't smart enough to figure out the way things really are, especially if they are in situations like your characters have been placed in, but I sometimes felt that they were too capable of articulating those thoughts and ideas. Especially if several of them admit to being bad at writing in the story. A more simplistic dialogue, or even an air of incapability or confusion in the dialogue, would have sold the characters a little bit better.
This is a very interesting concept overall and I feel that it would be something really impressive if it was both expanded on and given more time.
I think you did a great job of fleshing out all of these characters in a relatively short amount of time. I felt like I had a pretty solid sense of all of their personalities. Great job fitting a lot into a little space. It never felt rushed to me.
ReplyDeleteI feel like this could be a very powerful piece visually. I like the simplicity of the cells. I kind of wish there had been a little more information surrounding Kari's death. It was totally effective, but the concept of exterminating the unwanted felt a little underdeveloped. Also it might help with clarity if the kids' approximate ages are mentioned in the stage directions.
I really liked this piece. I would love to see it on stage, to see how it comes to life when there is real time and silence put in between those scenes. I loved the final bit of dialogue between Adam and Aidan. It somehow managed to be moving, exciting, and satisfying all at the same time.
Awesome job!
IT'S A KID POUND! Half way through I realized it because of the jail cells, but adopting is involved. Loved it. THere were some grammar errors but some of them worked like Aidan talking to Adam towards the end, you forgot, I think it was "a," but it worked becasue these kids seemed to be uneducated.
ReplyDeleteThe beginning was a bit rough for me with how it was just didn't feel right. John came in and he cried,then apologized. It was the apologizing that didn't settle with me.
"You can’t be sad all the time. It’s like a blister." Haha! I fell in love with this comparison. I don't know why, but this was awesome!
I didn't really understand why the kids were behind bars but in the end it all made sense. The fact that they all had due dates was kind of weird to me because in the end that worked out to. I think that my favorite character was Danica because she is so "bubbly" even before she knows that she is getting adopted. I loved the ending, and how Adam saves Aidan from the same fate as Kari. In the end much of everything I did not understand at first made sense. Good story!
ReplyDeleteUnfortunately most people said what I was going to, especially Liv, Justin, and Emma. But I have one thing to add on what Emma said about really wanting to see it onstage and maybe clarifying the kids' ages. I think it would be cool if the kids, except Kari, are all pretending to be younger than they are, because they know that being cute gets you adopted. Like, Danica especially, when she holds up her fingers, could be clearly 8 or 9 but hold up 6 or 7 and Aidan behind her could nod like he taught her that.
ReplyDeleteAlso, as far as people's comments on Adam's character depth- I think it was most effective that he was static right until the end. Like what's-his-face in A Tale of Two Cities. It works well.
At first I was a little confused about what was going on, but once I understood the concept it was a little easier to follow. Maybe you could clarify what is going on a little earlier.
ReplyDeleteSome of the characters blend. I'd like to see them a little more developed with distinguishing personalities. Also, I think for being young, they seem to have a decent grasp of language. Maybe you could add in some slang or mix up words since the children all come from very different backgrounds and add a younger voice.
Also, I think you should put in parenthesis who your speaker is addressing when it sometimes changes within ones part.
Besides these things, I did like your piece very much!
Easy read, very well-developed voice. Like, really well-developed. I agree that you might need to characterize more, but this is drama, and a lot of the characterization is going to be left up to the actors, so take that criticism with a grain of salt.
ReplyDeleteThere's this small grammar thing I noticed:
Okay. Get some rest why don’t you.
So just fix that--no big. :)
Very nice! Most of the people have said all i wanted to say, such as the clarification of the ages.
ReplyDeleteAlso, on another note, I forgot that this was set 50 years in the future and was confused about why they were killing orphans all of the sudden. This could have been my negligence, I admit, but maybe put more in the script about the future? Or rather, put more of the time peeriod in the mise-en-scene?
Magnifique!
I really liked this piece. But I think you need more chaos in dystopia. A little more information on the outside world to compare with the relative safety the kids have behind bar would help to build the contrast. My favorite character was Adam, especially with his compassion towards the kids; however, his goodness would be enhanced if you threw more danger in the outside world. Ethnicity and age need to be clarified, but that's been mentioned before. I especially loved the ending where Aidan gets to go free. Some detail of their demise within the facility would also help to reinforce their relative safety within the cells. It's a great take on dystopia from a child's view though. Great work.
ReplyDelete