Ethan: 27-year-old Minnesotan, dark brown hair slicked back, half-frame horn-rimmed glasses, interested in the occult. Self-loathing.
Ava: 23-year-old sister of Ethan, blonde shoulder length hair, big brown eyes, wide smile with a small gap between her two front teeth. She’s always eating
It’s a Wednesday in the middle of January at 7pm and Ava is planted in front of the television in the art- deco living room of their Uptown Minneapolis apartment, wrapped in a zebra print Snuggie, preparing to view her favorite television shows Parks & Recreation and The Office. With the popcorn bowl in her lap and the remote in her left hand, she is ready to lose herself in TV land. Just as she’s about to turn on the television her brother returns home from an afternoon date.
SCENE
Lights come up with a spotlight on Ethan, the light’s still dim around Ava and the glow from the television is highlighting her face.
AVA: Back so soon?
ETHAN: Huh? Yeah, you know we...
AVA: It’s still snowing?
ETHAN: What?
AVA: The snow flakes on your jacket look fresh; they’re melting onto the floor.
ETHAN: Oh, yeah, it is.
AVA: Hm...
ETHAN: “So how was the date, Ethan?”
AVA: So how was the date, Ethan?
Ava focuses her attention on the popcorn bowl in her lap and begins eating. Ethan removes his plaid scarf, endlessly wrapped around his neck, and places it on the coat rack. He brushes the water droplets from the snow off of his camel colored, mohair coat and returns it to its place on the coat rack. He then removes his hefty winter boots, the coloring of which matched his coat perfectly, and plops himself on the couch next to his sister.
ETHAN: Great.
Ava smiles.
AVA: That was convincing.
ETHAN: (more sincerely) I mean, she was cute. She was really cute. She was the cutest.
Ava grabs a handful of popcorn and forces it into her mouth, dropping pieces back into and around the bowl in the process. She begins to speak again while chewing.
AVA: Wait. Are you trying to remind yourself she’s cute?
ETHAN: I mean...
AVA: She was awful, wasn’t she?
ETHAN: (defensively) Not at all.
Ava giggles lightly to herself dropping pieces of chewed popcorn onto her snuggie. She turns her full attention to Ethan for the first time since he’s returned to the apartment.
AVA: What’d you talk about?
ETHAN: We crawled into the backseat of her car and talked about the ghosts haunting her house.
AVA: She sounds ideal.
ETHAN: And she was great. She was the perfect cocktail of charisma and charm with a hint of dead inside.
AVA: So what was the problem?
Ethan shrugs.
ETHAN: Me.
Ava lets out a full laugh this time shaking the bowl on her laugh. Ethan finds this amusing rather than insulting and chuckles at his younger sister.
AVA: What are you talking about?
ETHAN: I don’t know.
AVA: That’s strange, tell me what’s up.
ETHAN: I feel like if I enter into a relationship, with anyone, literally anyone, I will just ruin them.
AVA: (confused) What?
Ethan stands up and begins pacing around the living room in front of the television. He’s gesturing wildly with his hands while he’s speaking. The entire time Ava is trying to look around him to see what’s happening on the T.V. screen.
ETHAN: (hurriedly) Ava, I wake up every morning at 6:30am to drag myself into the bathroom where I brush my teeth with the same Aquafresh toothpaste I’ve been using since I was 7-years-old. I take a luke warm shower using one of the 20 bars of Ivory soap I keep in the linen closet. I get dressed in either a deep grey or navy blue suit, dark brown saddle shoes, and place a camel mohair jacket over the ensemble. I eat a bowl of Raisin Bran with skim milk, then I grab my coffee mug, fill it with dark roast and two cubes of sugar, and head off to work. When I return home I remove my jacket and shoes at the door to plant myself on the couch in the same position I’m in now so I can spend my time watching countless episodes of Ghost Adventures and Paranormal State until I’m hungry and order a large cheese pizza and a two-liter of diet coke from Domino’s.
Ethan stops pacing and stands directly in front of the T.V.
AVA: That sounds like a good life.
ETHAN: That sounds like an awful life.
He sits back down in his spot next to Ava.
AVA: I think you’re just getting too down on yourself. Everyone has a routine.
ETHAN: I just don’t want to introduce her to my routine.
AVA: Your past girlfriends didn’t seem to have a problem.
ETHAN: My past girlfriends had daddy issues and spent their nights smoking pot in the bathrooms of the restaurants we went to for dinner.
AVA: (incredulously) What?
ETHAN: Don’t worry about it. The point is, I’m not going to be who this girl wants me to be.
AVA: (annoyed) You’re too dramatic. Just chill out, go put on your periodic table of elements shirt and pajama pants and come watch T.V. with me. You’ll feel better.
ETHAN: I sleep in that shirt whenever I’m sad.
Ava silently stares at her brother, her brown eyes getting larger than Ethan thought possible. She suddenly shoves the popcorn bowl into Ethan’s hands (it’s about empty at this point and he doesn’t understand how) and walks into the kitchen, wrapping her snuggie tighter around her body.
AVA: Well then. I’m making something to eat. I’ve been craving breakfast foods all day, so bacon here I come!
Ethan laughs as he places the popcorn bowl on the coffee table next to an untouched cup of hot chocolate he didn’t even notice was there.
ETHAN: You’re ridiculous.
AVA: No, you are. You’re ending a relationship you haven’t even started yet.
ETHAN: I’m doing what needs to happen.
Ava begins searching through the kitchen cabinets for a frying pan.
AVA: (annoyed, very stern) You’re doing what you think needs to happen. I doubt you want to do this, she’s everything you want. You’re probably everything she wants.
ETHAN: How do you know?
AVA: She believes in ghosts and you were willing to talk to her about them. Do you know how many guys would immediately call her crazy? I’m betting she’s into all kinds of spooky things and you love cults, Ouija boards, witchcraft, and horror movies. If you don’t ask her out again just because of ridiculous insecurity, you’re crazy.
She finds a pan and takes the bacon out of the fridge. She begins placing eight pieces of bacon on the frying pan.
ETHAN: You know, when we were waiting in line to buy movie tickets she leaned against my arm.
AVA: You love that.
ETHAN: And when we were waiting through the previews after we found our seats, she planned out our funerals. She wants “Don’t Fear The Reaper” played at hers.
AVA: You see what I mean? You two are perfect for each other.
ETHAN: I don’t know what to do.
AVA: Just call her and ask her out on another date. Stop worrying, she’ll say yes. In other news, do you want any of this bacon?
ETHAN: (not disgusted) Not at all.
Ava places the bacon onto a napkin that’s on a plate. She walks back into the living room and begins eating her bacon. As she sits down Ethan gets up and begins roaming around the living room.
AVA: Great. What are you looking for?
ETHAN: My phone.
AVA: It’s on the table next to the front door.
ETHAN: Thanks. I’m going to give her a call. Hey, how do you know exactly what to say to me?
Ethan picks up his phone and starts to search for his dates number. He’s smiling at the thought of her answering and at the words his sister has said to him.
AVA: You’re my brother, I know you better than anyone else.
ETHAN: Well thank you.
AVA: Want to hug me about it?
His smile gets bigger.
ETHAN: (laughing) Absolutely not.
AVA: Suit yourself. Go make your phone call Prince Charming.
ETHAN: Try not to chew so loud while I’m on the phone, you sound like you’re tearing apart the carcass of a buffalo.
AVA: Don’t be ridiculous this is from a pig.
ETHAN: You’re so...
AVA: You know, everyone would be healthy if green vegetables tasted as good as bacon.
Ethan laughs to himself as he watches Ava tear apart pieces of bacon. He turns his attention back to his cell phone and dials his dates number.
ETHAN: Great. You’re so great, Ava.
Lights down over Ethan. The lights over Ava go down as well, but the light from the T.V. remains and the audience sees Ava laughing at the T.V. with her mouth full.
END.
Overall, I really liked the dialogue throughout the screenplay. The characters were odd and quirky, and I really enjoyed that.
ReplyDeleteThere were some instances, however, when you would provide vivid descriptions or the thoughts of characters which, in a way, can restrict directors and actors.
For instance, I love the description you provide for the setting.
"It’s a Wednesday in the middle of January at 7pm and Ava is planted in front of the television in the art-deco living room of their Uptown Minneapolis apartment, wrapped in a zebra print Snuggie, preparing to view her favorite television shows Parks & Recreation and The Office. With the popcorn bowl in her lap and the remote in her left hand, she is ready to lose herself in TV land. Just as she’s about to turn on the television her brother returns home from an afternoon date."
I get the image clear within my mind, but it can limit the director's ability to adapt it.
Another instance is when you say, "She begins placing eight pieces of bacon on the frying pan," and when you say, "Ethan picks up his phone and starts to search for his dates number. He’s smiling at the thought of her answering and at the words his sister has said to him."
It's all very specific, and as for the second example, you let us into the character's mind, but that's something difficult to do on stage. I would maybe try to work those inner thoughts towards dialogue.
I kind of also would have liked to have heard at least a little bit of the conversation Ethan had with his date when he called her. Then again, the ending you have is great too. It leaves us wondering what happened.
Overall, a lot of the dialogue was awesome. There were definitely some interesting lines such as, "And she was great. She was the perfect cocktail of charisma and charm with a hint of dead inside."
I think that's the best and most interesting description I've read a guy make about a girl in a while.
I really liked the characters in your story. I thought that the dialogue between them was really good and made them come alive. I especially lie Ethan because he was original. He was fascinated by the occult and liked ghosts which didn't make him the typical character or a love interest for the girl he dated. I would have also liked to hear the conversation between Ethan and his date just to see how they interact since they apparently have a lot in common. Also, I like how you never gave the date a name, it added a little mystery to the story.
ReplyDeleteThis is a very descriptive, entertaining piece. The dialogue puts the reader into a position where they feel like they are a fly on the wall. I like the mix between showing and telling, though sometime I feel that you use too much description with the non-dialogue part.
ReplyDeleteThe characters are interesting, also. I enjoyed their interaction. The brother-sister relationship came through very well in this piece. I like how she is always eating, and the description that you use for the food. The only big problem I have is that sometimes the dialogue gets stiff at time, and doesn't feel like it is actually being said. Other than that, it is good.
I really liked the character descriptions and their dialogue between them was very real. I could also picture the setting clearly.
ReplyDeleteIt was also very followable, but I wanted to know more about Ethan's phone conversation too.