Monday, April 11, 2011

Disappointment with a Smile

Disappointment with a Smile

A Drama in Two Scenes

By

Rashad Michelle Patterson

Intro to Creative Writing

Prof. Dale Hrebik

Loyola University New Orleans

April 13, 2011

Characters:

Emma “EJ” Smith

Ellis Smith

Waiter

Host

Back story: Ellis and Emma Smith have been married for ten years. However what looks like the perfect marriage on the outside is one filled with lies and infidelity. Ellis has been having an affair for about three years now because he has come to think of his wife as no more than a trophy. Emma (also known as EJ) loves her husband very much, and has known about his infidelity from the beginning. She does not know how to handle the infidelity so she continues to play the naive homemaker that knows nothing at all. Now that Ellis has grown tired of what he considers “playing the field,” he wants to make his marriage work, and he is sure that the night of their tenth year anniversary is a good time to start.

Setting: Well lit fancy restaurant. A single table is set for two in a private corner. On the table are: the traditional white linen tablecloth, wine glasses, and dinnerware, but in the middle sits a lone pink rose. (EJ’s favorite flower)

Act I

Scene I

(Ellis arrives at the restaurant)

HOST:

Good evening sir. How may I help you?

ELLIS:

Reservation for E.J.Smith.

(Adjusts his collar and tie)

HOST:

(Looks at the reservation list)

Yes sir. I’ll show you to your table. Right this way.

(Host walks Ellis over to an empty table set for two.)

Is something wrong with the table arrangement sir?

ELLIS:

No the table is fine, but where is my wife?

HOST:

The lady called and said that she would be a few minutes late. She said that you should wait here for her, she won’t be long.

ELLIS:

Why would she call you and not me? (Checks his phone)Ok then. I’ll wait. (Sits down at the table)

HOST:
Your waiter will be right with you.

(Host walks away from the table as the waiter walks over.)

WAITER:

Good evening sir. What may I get you to drink?

ELLIS:

I’ll have a scotch on the rocks. (Pauses) On second thought make that a bottle of your best champagne.

WAITER:

Of course sir! Celebrating a special occasion?

ELLIS:

Yes. Today is my anniversary. My lovely wife and I have been married for ten years.

WAITER:

Congratulations sir! I’ll be right back with your champagne.

ELLIS:

Thank you.

(Waiter walks away)

ACT I

SCENE II

Ellis is still waiting for EJ to arrive; he is sitting at the table looking at the ring he bought her as an upgrade of her wedding ring.

HOST:

(Walks over to Ellis)

Sir this box came for you.

(Hands Ellis a box wrapped in black paper and a silver bow.)

ELLIS:

When did this get here?

HOST:

Just a few minutes ago sir. And might I say that is quite an extravagant ring. What’s the occasion?

ELLIS:

My wife and I are celebrating our ten-year wedding anniversary.

HOST:

Wow sir. Mind if I take a look?

ELLIS:

Please do!

HOST:

Did you get it engraved?

ELLIS:

(Snaps his fingers in disgust)

God dammit, I didn’t think to get the damn thing engraved.

HOST:

Well I am sure she is going to love it with or without it being engraved.

ELLIS:

Thank you. I’m sure she will. (Turns his attention to the box on the table) Did my wife tell you to bring this box to me?

HOST:

I’m sorry sir?

ELLIS:

Did my wife tell you to bring this box to me?

HOST:

Sir I don’t know your wife.

ELLIS:

Well then, did a very gorgeous, tall, light-skinned woman tell you to bring this box to me?

HOST:

I’m sorry sir, but I cannot tell you who asked me to bring this over here, that would be going against my orders.

ELLIS:

Well then I am sure it is from my wife. EJ tries to be clever. She planned this dinner and then sent this gift. It has to be from her because the box is wrapped in our wedding colors. (Chuckles)She’s trying to woo me. She is something. Truly something.

HOST:

Something special right sir?

Ellis opens the box and he notices an envelope written on in EJ’s handwriting.

The Host anticipates that Ellis’ gift will be just as nice as the gift he bought for EJ. The host is excited to see what is in the box that came for Ellis. When he sees two white envelopes, he walks away.

(As the Host is walking away the Waiter comes back to the table)

WAITER:

Your champagne sir.

(Pours a glass for Ellis)

ELLIS:

Thank you. Oh, you can leave the bottle; my wife will be here in a second.

WAITER:

Of course sir.

Ellis opens the envelope that is written on in EJ’s handwriting. As he starts reading it, the audience hears EJ’s voice as though she would be reading it to him instead of him reading it himself.

(EJ’s voice)

You made many promises that you never kept. The words of those promises I held close to my heart. I hoped one day you would remember because I never did forget the many times you told me you were going to do something, or we were going to do something. And you didn’t, we didn’t. That broke my heart and made me cry time and time again. But you never knew. Because in spite of the disappointment I smiled.

There were times I got upset. I said you would never keep your word. But then you would promise me something else. I’d believe you and smile a “happy” smile. And as time moved on I got more and more excited. And then the day comes. You never bring it up. Never mention it. Never tell me why it can’t happen. You go on like you never made a promise at all. Like it doesn’t exist. Like I don’t exist. I try not to talk about it. Not to think about it. I hope that you will remember. You never do. It doesn’t exist. It never existed. I’m sad. But I smile because you do.

I joke. I laugh. I play with you. But inside I cry. If only you could hear my heart crying “YOU PROMISED ME” over and over again. You promised me. You did. But I guess its okay. Because then you remember that you forgot and promise me another day. I fill with anticipation even when you say “soon.” I know that this time you will remember. No, you won’t forget.

Soon becomes tomorrow. Tomorrow becomes the next day. That day becomes next week. Next week becomes two weeks later. That turns into next month. Next month turns into the month after that. And then its ten years. And now it’s gone. I stopped pushing you to remember. It’s your promises. You should’ve remembered. But you didn’t. And yet I smiled.

But now…I’m sick of hiding. The smile is gone.

You broke ten years of promises, and then you broke your vows. And that broke my heart!

I want a divorce!

p.s. HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!

ELLIS:

What the hell? What promises? This has got to be some kind of joke. (Tosses the letter onto the table) Wait….She knew? How could she have known? There’s no way… (Scratches his head)Excuse me Host!

(Host walks over to the table)

HOST:

Yes sir?

ELLIS:

Who told you to bring me this shit?

HOST:

I am sorry sir?

ELLIS:

Stop acting like you don’t understand what the hell I am saying. You know damn well what I am asking, but I’ll ask you again. Who told you to bring me this shit?

HOST:

Sir please calm down. I’m just following orders. I was told to bring you this box and tell you to have a good evening.

ELLIS:

What the hell do you mean you are following orders? I thought I was the paying customer and you were supposed to do what the paying customer says. And seeing that I am the paying customer, I demand to know, who in the hell bought this box?

HOST:

Actually sir you are not the paying customer. Everything has already been paid for.

ELLIS:

What the hell do you mean it’s already paid for?

HOST:

The person who brought the box covered your bill. My orders were to bring you the box, and to tell you have a good evening. So have a good evening sir. (Smiles weakly and walks away.)

ELLIS:

What the hell is going on? This has got to be some kind of joke. EJ wouldn’t divorce me!

Ellis notices the second white envelope in the box. It is not written on, and it is much thicker than the envelope that EJ’s letter came in.

ELLIS:

Waiter!

(Waiter walks over to the table)

WAITER:

Yes sir?

ELLIS:

(Staring blankly at the envelope)

I think I’ll have that scotch now.

18 comments:

  1. i'm really nervous and think you are all going to hate it!

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  2. oh and some of the lines kinda got messed up at the end, but I didn't notice that until it had already published. sorry!

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  3. I haven't read it yet, but I just read your comments. Don't ever say that! You're predisposing your readers. It's like writing a summary, and at the end of the summary saying "This summary sucks." If your summary sucks, why would your writing be good? In the same vein, if you're nervous about it, shouldn't we be?

    Even if you aren't confident, pretend you are!

    <3

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  4. Ok! I read it.

    I liked the story a lot. It was a neat way to present the issues in marriage. Unfortunately, I don't think the "backstory" makes sense for a drama, although I could be wrong--I'm not a theater person. I'm not sure how you would convey all that information to an audience. Maybe you could have the host do it as an opening monologue, and he could be holding the box. It would give him an interesting perspective/position as the narrator.

    I thought you did a good job developing Ellis's character in a short amount of time. But, I'm confused as to whats in the second envelope?

    Just kidding. I re-read it. Divorce papers? I'd try to make that a little more clear, I had to think about it for a few seconds before I realized what you were implying.

    Overall, this was a good read! Good job!

    <3 Liv

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  5. I think you're right about the back story part. I couldn't think of a way to actually talk about why EJ would be trying to divorce Ellis without just saying it.
    I actually think I might try and have the Host be sort of like a narrator, but I just have a question about how to make him know everything in the beginning but then through out the piece know nothing. Help!

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  6. I like Liv's idea. It can be done so that it doesn't matter that he doesn't know anything later. The "Everyman" kind of character is a traditional device in theater, and I feel like he can represent, as the host, who's just a dramatic vehicle for Ellis' story anyway, all other people in society who view a situation like this. He would deliver the monologue in a very judgemental way, as though gossiping to the audience, and then change characters for the scene and show increasing contempt for Ellis as the night unfolds and he realizes what's happening. Does that makse sense?

    Anyway, I like the way EJ is a character without appearing, although another wya to tel your backstory would be showing her dropping off the box and talking to the Host, proud of her resolve after 10 long years. Mostly, though, I think it's unique and effective to tell the story only by showing the antagonist.

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  7. I like both of your ideas about how to include the back story. I think I'll try both and then see which one fits the story best.

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  8. I also agree that the backstory should be taken out because the drama makes perfect sense without it. I absolutely loved how you ended it. perfect! I love how you bring in EJ's voice but she is never physically present. Great job!

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  9. Great job Rashad. I agree the back story could have been worked in differently, possibly through an exposition-giver or "Everyman" like Antonia said. You should definitely keep the Host character oblivious though, he works better by knowing nothing. I love how EJ paid for everything, it really asserts her independence from Ellis without her actually being there. The way the box was decorated in their wedding colors also shows that she was the kind of person who remembers the little details like that without her presence. All in all, I love it. Great piece!

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  10. Hahaha! Justice is served in an envelope! Lovely story great way to end it and all that jazz. Backstory, I liked it, but it is not really necessary. My favorite part of the whole thing was the fact that the Host kept to the orders given to him. You did a great job!!! :)

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  11. I haven't read it yet, but I just read your comments. Don't ever say that! You're predisposing your readers. It's like writing a summary, and at the end of the summary saying "This summary sucks." If your summary sucks, why would your writing be good? In the same vein, if you're nervous about it, shouldn't we be?

    Even if you aren't confident, pretend you are!


    I echo Liv here. Own your work!!! :)

    Interesting story. I didn't have a problem noticing the second envelope. However, if there are two envelopes on the table, the audience is going to notice if the second one is bigger than the first one right off the bat. If they don't, you have to remember that they're sitting farther away, so many have him open the second envelope at the end in a mixture of upset and confusion to discover the papers--that might make it more clear.

    As far as the pink rose...if there's nothing that tells us explicitly in the words that the flower is EJ's favorite, maybe take that out because the audience won't understand it. The same goes for the waiter expecting things about the envelopes. Either make it ridiculously obvious or have him say something about it, maybe to someone on the outside.

    Finally, I don't think the backstory is needed. You can either go into it more in the play or you can allow the audience to make their own inferences. EJ does a pretty good job of informing us of that, so you can make that choice.

    Most of those things are just logistics. The dialogue's pretty good. I also like the fact that you hear EJ but never see her. That's good use of the stage. The ending comes as a nice little twist. Good job.

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  12. Thanks everyone for your help. I think I have figured out a way to work in the back story part without just having it there but we'll see how that works out.
    The part about the flower was thrown in last minute because I wanted to make it seem that Ellis was trying to remember small things that EJ liked, so that he would not seem like a total jackass but I do realize now that it does not fit.
    I also think that I will give the Host a few more lines, especially when it comes to the second envelope that has the divorce papers in it. Only I'm not sure how to do that yet, so if anyone has any suggestions on that, they would be greatly appreciated.
    I'm glad that you all generally liked my story. And Liv I promise not to be nervous again!

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  13. I like the idea of having the host or waiter act as narrator for the backstory, because I do think it's necessary for the audience to know all that information before the play really starts.
    As for the rose, I like that Ellis was trying to think of the small things and thought one perfect romantic night could fix all his mistakes from the past decade. Maybe Ellis could mention something to the waiter about it being her favorite flower. I think it would be really effective for him to boast about all the small details he'd considered.
    The only thing I don't understand is in the backstory you say Ellis is using this dinner to try to win EJ back, but in the play you say EJ planned the whole dinner..? I think it would make the most sense for him to have planned it, but she still could have snuck in and paid when she brought the envelopes.
    You definitely had no reason to feel ashamed by your piece! I loved it!!

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  14. A lot of the concepts in this play are very interesting and innovative. They have, for the most part, already been mentioned by the others, but I agree completely. The idea of having a character in the play that never actually appears on stage is definitely one of my favorite parts.

    Having said that, I think there are many ways you could work your concepts into the play a little bit better, and adapt them more appropriately for the stage. Like the others, I don't feel that the "backstory" as the beginning is an effective way to achieve exactly what you're going for.
    Also, I was momentarily confused by the second letter at the end, and I'm not even sitting in an audience. I think it may be very hard for a real audience to understand exactly what you want them to understand.

    This piece has a lot of potential. Great job!

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  15. Overall this was a very interesting couple of scenes. It definitely held my attention throughout. I really liked the letter from EJ. It was very realistic and terse. Also at the end of the letter the post script was hilarious. I agree with what other people have said about possibly using the host to tell the backstory as well. One tiny thing I would think about changing is when the host says, "The lady called." It just seems like lady doesn't quite fit. Overall nice job.

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  16. Great job Rashad!!
    You did really well with showing Ellis's transition from cocky to broken. I felt his anxiety.
    The backstory needs to be worked into the actualy dialogue because when this piece is performed, your audience wont get a chance to read that backstory. They'll only know what they see and hear. Also i would have loved to meet EJ. I would have liked to know what she thought and felt. Maybe add some conflict with the mistress showing up at the restaurant. That's where i thought it was going.
    You're off to a great start!

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  17. Nice work. I agree with Emma. Show instead of tell. You can add it in within the story.

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  18. I really liked your twist idea. It's typical for the guy to cheat and the wife to find out etc. but I really liked how he was willing to recommit himself and she was no longer there. I would have liked to see the backstory somehow incorporated in the scenes. I do like the idea of the wife never showing up. The cluelessness of the staff almost gives it a comedy feel on certain parts and you can fell ellis's rage building. I would like to see the letter somehow shortened and maybe a scene with the wife writing the letter or seeing stuff from the mistress.

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