Glass Angel
A Drama in One Act
By
Michael Sanchez
ENGL-A211-002, Intro to Creative Writing
Prof. Dale Hrebik
Loyola University of New Orleans
April 3, 2011
Cast of Characters
Dana, the husband
Gina, the wife
Cop #1 (Officer Lopez)
Cop #2
SCENE
Living room
TIME
Late night on a weekend.
Act I
Scene 1
Late night in DANA’s living room. A rectangular, glass-surfaced coffee table is in the middle of the stage. Behind it is GINA sitting on a blue couch with a wooden end table next to her left side. On top of the end table is an antique table lamp.
(The stage is dark and quiet. The sound of a key slowly unlocking a door is heard. The doorknob quietly turns. A squeak escapes from the opening door. DANA, dressed in slacks and a shirt, enters from stage right. As soon as he closes the door with a quiet thump, GINA, dressed in a nightgown, turns on the lamp and the stage becomes bright.)
GINA
You son of a bitch!
DANA
GINA! What are-
GINA
Dana, where were you all night?! (Rises from couch and sniffs him.)
DANA
I was-
GINA
Are you drunk? Again?!
DANA
No! I was working late and decided to grab a couple of beers with the guys before I came.
GINA
Don’t you lie to me!
(Points finger.)
You’ve been coming home after midnight for the past month.
DANA
Baby, keep it down. You’re gonna wake the neighbors.
GINA
I don’t care! I’m your fucking wife! I did not marry you for this bullshit!
DANA
(forefinger over his lips)
Shhhhhh…
GINA
I refuse to put up with this! I can’t believe you!
(SHE clenches her fist. SHE exits to stage left.)
I’m going to bed. You’re sleeping on the couch tonight, asshole! (Offstage.)
DANA
(Sits on the couch facing the audience)
I miss the old Gina. She used to be such an angel. She was so shy too. I almost threw up asking her out after chemistry class in high school. She was so down to earth. I don’t think we’ve ever fought while we were dating. Not once. She was special. She made we wannna become a better man. That’s why I loved her. I’ll never forget our wedding night. She was gorgeous in that strapless dress. She was something outta a fairy tale. My own princess. We even had a boy on the way. I thought life was gonna be great with my new family. Things change though… Dante never made it. Stillborn. The doctor told us it was some kinda freak accident. A piece of her died with our son. She stopped smiling. She stays at home watching Netflix and shitty sitcoms. She barely cooks and is always nagging. And she fucking wonders why I’m always out! I wanna a divorce but I can’t leave her like this. For better or for worse (shakes head.) Whatta buncha bullshit…
(DANA unbuttons and takes off his shirt revealing a purple mark on his throat. GINA enters from the bedroom. SHE’s carrying two folded blankets with a pillow on top.)
GINA
(Reluctantly)
Here, I brought this for- YOU ASSHOLE! HOW COULD YOU?!
(GINA hurls the sheets and pillow at DANA.)
DANA
Baby! I can explain!
(GINA rushes DANA and hits him. SHE continues to beat him until HE flees to the bedroom offstage. GINA chases after him.)
GINA
(Offstage)
I HATE YOU!
(Loud thumps, wood banging, and porcelain breaking are heard offstage.)
DANA
(Offstage)
Baby stop! You’re hurting me!
(The noises, mixed with profanity, continue until DANA & GINA reenter the stage. GINA stops chasing DANA and collapses into tears, near the coffee table.)
DANA
I’m so sorry, baby.
(HE sits next to HER and embraces her.)
I’m so sorry…
GINA
(Sniffs)
How did it become like this?
DANA
We’ll fix this. I promise.
GINA
There is no fixing this…
DANA
What are you talking about?
GINA
Get out.
DANA
I’m not leaving you.
GINA
You need to…
DANA
Dante wouldn’t want that…
GINA
GET OUT! (SHE stands up and starts hitting DANA, who is trying to cover his head.)
DANA
GET OFF ME!
(HE pushes HER into the coffee table. GINA falls on her back. Glass shatters. GINA bleeds profusely.)
Jesus! I’m so sorry! Are you ok? BABY?!
(GINA lies there and weeps. Loud knocks are heard offstage.)
COP #1
(Offstage)
Police! Open the door.
DANA
Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Baby, go to the bedroom. Please.
(GINA struggles to get up while sobbing. A long shard of glass pierced her kidney. DANA lays HER on her side, on top of the couch and sits next to her.)
COP #2
(Offstage)
OPEN UP!
GINA
Dana, I’m so sorry…
(Shallow breath.)
For this…
(Shallow breath.)
For Dante…
(Shallow breath.)
I wasn’t ready for a baby...
(Shallow breath.)
COP #1
(Offstage)
WE’RE COMING IN!
(DANA glares at GINA. A few tears descend from his eyes.)
DANA
Don’t apologize to me...
(They embrace. HE kisses HER.)
Tell it to Dante when you see him.
(He twists the glass. GINA releases a whimper and stops crying. A crash is heard and two COPS enter wielding pistols.)
COP #2
ON THE GROUND! HANDS BEHIND YOUR HEAD!
(DANA kneels and complies while maintaining eye contact with a still GINA. COP #2 kicks DANA to his belly. He bends DANA’s arm backwards and locks the cuffs.)
COP #1
Jesus…
(Speaking into radio.)
This is Officer Lopez. Requesting an ambulance to 284… (Fades out.)
END
P.S. I spent a couple hours formatting it on Microsoft Word but this blog's formatting killed it...
Woah.
ReplyDeleteThat was so intense! How sad to see the absolute lowest point in a relationship. I thought you captured the attitudes and tones of a really unhappy couple very well. I was super uncomfortable in the good on-purpose way.
You did pack a lot into a short space though. Less drama may have allowed you room to develop the characters in a more natural way than semi-awkwardly breaking the fourth wall at the beginning. Also, you might want to consider pulling that offstage action onstage. That's a long time for an audience to be looking at an empty set while listening to the offstage fight.
Great job!
I agree with Emma. More onstage, less offstage. I liked the intensity, but there could be more. At first, everything was fine, but after you broke the fourth wall and then went back into the action didn't settle well with me. All in all great story and idea, just a little more action.
ReplyDeletei also agree with both emma and katie. definitely have more onstage action, it is what people are paying to see. The story line was great, but I think you needed to develop the characters a little better before, maybe not start out with the drama and work your way into it. great job though!
ReplyDeleteI have to agree with emma, katie, and casey that the off screen drama should be bought on to the stage because just listening to a couple fight is not as intense as actually watching them fight (even if its fake)!
ReplyDeleteI really liked this story. It made me sad but I'm glad it did because that means I actually felt something! Good Job!
I agree with Katie, I don't know if the broken fourth wall is the best way to get across the back story. It is an intense piece but I would too like to see a little more action. Maybe, a little more description of the scenes as the argument is taking place. However, good job. It is an intense piece.
ReplyDeleteI agree. Basically, you did a little "telling" instead of showing. In the dialogue at the beginning especially, I felt a little awkward. People don't actually say "You've been coming home at midnight every night for a month," you know? If you had more space and time, you could develop those character relations more subtly through more extended dialogue.
ReplyDeleteThat said, the best dialogue was at the end: "Tell it to Dante when you see him" really got to me.
"Dante wouldn't want" sounds a little awkward because he was an infant so had he lived he still wouldn't understand what's going on enough to have an opinion.
ReplyDeleteI didn't realize Gina was dying until Dana said "tell it to Dante when you see him." More clarity, such as a pause in which both characters realized what's going on. Gina should also react in an appropriate way to her fatal wound.
You're trying to fit a complex idea into a short space so I agree that there should be a little more character development. Maybe a conversation initially that helps Gina work herself into a rage. Or a slow in the action as Dana explains where he's been. That slow might also be a good opportunity to have Dana discuss with Gina what he misses about the old her instead of a soliloquy. It would be powerful to see how she feels about her own changes, making her a more dynamic character and her death more meaningful.
You can do a lot more with this! It's a tad short and I want to see more development. Suggestion: instead of Dana breaking the fourth wall and telling the audience about he and Gina's relationship, maybe have the two people have a conversation about their relationship and their stillborn child. Keep the fourth wall and let the drama come through in a conversation between the two. "A piece of her died with our son." You can show this to us instead of telling us if Dama and Gina have a discussion or a fight about it.
ReplyDeleteGood work, overall!
Very intense piece. The language at the beginning could be a little less formal, maybe let Gina interrupt Dana more. I liked the soliloquy, personally, but it would give Gina some more depth if you could work it into a conversation between the two of them. The action offstage needs to be briefer, I'd have them run back on after the "I hate you" and porcelein breaking part. The moment of intimacy right before he kills her was unexpected. It puts a conflicting twist on their relationship, he's getting abused, and he just discovered she killed their son, yet he embraces and kisses her. I like the resolution where Gina finally admits (or implies) her role in bringing them to this state "I wasn't ready for a baby." I like how you captured a lot of action into a short space.
ReplyDeleteI really like the idea. I just feel like it all happened much too quickly. I didn't have a chance to get to know the characters. I don't understand why he decided to twist the glass to kill her. Plus, I feel like it would only take around 5 minutes to act out. It just needs more development, and then I think it could be really great!
ReplyDeleteI see what you were going for with this, and it has a lot of potential. It's a little short for me, though. You convey the story behind the actions with a lot of narration. This is ok--but it needs to be a more powerful retelling. Dana's voice could be developed in that monologue a little more, I don't get as much of a feel for him as I would have liked. Another way would be to actually have them act out the scene of losing the baby, maybe coming home from the hospital? And then you could indicate that X amount of time has passed and go into this as the end.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone about the offstage action. I think if more of the fighting had been done onstage it would have been stronger.
I liked when Gina came back out with the pillows and found him with the hickey on his neck.
Overall, I would have liked to see both character's voices developed a little bit more, I didn't have the relationship with them I needed to really connect with Gina's death and Dana's anger.
<3 Liv