Scribbles on Casanova(s)

His prescience is alarming yet the gilded entertainer knows how to press your buttons. His song and dance puts you under spell and more rightly under his thumb. He is made of sugar, spice and not everything nice. He is cunning, blunt, and sly about his intentions. Even though this paramour’s sheets have been changed hundreds of times, women still flock to him. Isn’t that love? It should be, shouldn’t it? But you still don’t know his true face.

        One successful lad is Rod Stewart. He has had a succession of wives that all seem to be about 25 years younger than him. Another god is Hugh Heffner; I mean who wouldn’t want a new set of Playboy Bunnies every couple of years?  One loser is Jude Law. Really caught with the nanny?  The other failure is Tiger Woods.  He thought he could get away with cheating on his wife. Hell they made a condom statue in his honor. “The same principle which forbids me to lie does not allow me to tell the truth.” True words spoken by Giacomo. He is the expert you know. Each of these Casanovas live by this rule. Aren’t they absolute role models?

1)      Names are important. Why? Because they define us. So here’s a list associated with our lady killer (that’s already one).

-          Debaucher, Adulterer, Gigolo, Swinger, Libertine, Womanizer (Britney Spears was right), Seducer, Lecher, Fornicator, Lady’s Man, Philanderer

2)      A man with multiple STDs. He could have the following gonorrhea, AIDS, herpes, syphilis, chlamydia, genital warts, scabies and more. Isn’t it great being a social butterfly? He’s a love bug. It’s infectious.

3)      A dapper man. Macho-Macho men would disagree and say metrosexual. But these men do like their garb. How do you attract a lady? Good hair. Good clothes. Good build. Must be clean. I hear squeals already. 

4)      He is, dare I say, cocky. It isn’t time to be bashful. That’s no fun. His cold jokes and foul humor make women blush. It’s downright dirty. Some women find it repulsive that they want to be in the dirt. Raunchy, huh? Oh, yes.

Some one-liners:

-          Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? (George Carlin)

-          A man is only as faithful as his options. (Chris Rock)

-          Welcome to a night of partying and heavy drinking. Or as Charlie Sheen calls it: breakfast.” (Courtesy of Ricky Gervais)

-          “Now remember my three beginner’s tips for picking up chicks: Address her by name, isolate her from her friends, and subtly put her down.” –(Neil Patrick Harris as Barney Stinson)

5)      The classic bad boy. A criminal. Think James Dean. His vulgarity always gets him in to trouble. His spiral of misfortune is an adventure. He is a symbol of resistance. He’s liberating, in the sense that women liberate themselves with him.

6)      The Con Artist. He is organized. Remember, this is an act.

-Step 1: Find Attractive Damsel in Distress

-Step 2: Be her Hero

-Step 3: Her Gratitude = Seduction

-Step 4: Convince her you are unworthy, so you can leave without knowing what hit her.

      As Giacomo would say, “There is no honest woman with an uncorrupted heart whom a man is not sure of conquering by dint of gratitude. It is one of the surest and shortest means.” So he knows how to manipulate people. But how long can a man keep up this act?  Charlie Sheen can’t.

7)      Underneath all the covers is lonely playboy. After all the liaisons, what is reality? After the birds and bees fly away what’s left? Relationships aren’t permanent in this man’s life. So what does he really have the morning after? An empty bed.

8)      Honestly, dishonesty is a virtue in his head. So the symptoms of this complex include trust issues. This dazzling man is always plotting. His own desires are more important. He isn’t a lost puppy. You can’t change him. You can’t train him. He does bite. He does have rabies. I mean scabies.

9)       He’s one of the girls. Well, why not? He’s prepared to jump off the diving board into a pool of estrogen. Yes, he will talk to you about your feelings and gossip with you, but in the end he’s got more women than his bros. In this case, it’s hoes before bros.

10)  Man on the run. After all these one night stands. What’s he really running from… himself. Confrontation is avoidable. Just like love. Unnecessary. I wonder how all the previous Playboy Bunnies feel.

11)  Human. Yes, I said it. As warped as it sounds. Insecurities are just another way of saying it. It’s unavoidable. But under his thick skin is just someone vying for attention and affection.

            As beacons for weak willed girls, these men put on a spectacle. It’s amusing, for the Casanova and the volunteer, for a while. But you can’t put on a show without an audience. Someone is bound to pull the curtain back and reveal the naked truth. Don’t you think it’s exhausting to keep up this act anyways? Eventually they’ll lose their touch. Under hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of stained sheets there is some beating instrument called a heart. When the spectators and show girls catch onto this false advertising, it’s going to turn into a one-man show. His bed will be left alone, just like him.