A Drama in Five Scenes
Characters:
NICKI- female lead, mid-twenties
CHASE- male lead, early-mid twenties
JACOB- friend to Chase and Nicki, late twenties
TRISTAN- friend to Chase, mid-twenties
NICKI’S MOM
DOCTOR- mid-forties, fifties
NURSE- young, close to Nicki’s age
Setting:
The stage is set in a bright white hospital room. Stage decorations are sparse: one hospital bed, one window, one chair, one EKG monitor. Morning light filters in from the window. NICKI lies on the bed, sleeping and hooked up to the EKG monitor. She’s been in a car accident; bandages cover her arms and her forehead. The monitor beeps loudly, stirring her. As she wakes, CHASE, her boyfriend, walks in and stands close to her bedside. The EKG monitor continues to beep softly throughout the play.
Act 1:
Scene1:
CHASE:
Hey there, Saint Nick. Trying to get to heaven early or what? (He strokes her cheek)
NICKI:
(Smiling weakly) Haha, you know if I went I’d take you with me.
CHASE:
How’d you sleep? That anesthesia they gave you must have been pretty strong. You’ve been out for hours.
NICKI:
Pretty good. It’s just that I’m used to waking up to the sound of your heart beating, not mine. (Nods to EKG monitor)
CHASE:
Well, this is my favorite sound right now. (Points to EKG monitor and kisses her cheek)
(A knock offstage)
CHASE:
Come in! She’s up.
(Enter NICKI’S MOM, JACOB, and TRISTAN. NICKI’S MOM runs to her bedside.)
NICKI’S MOM:
(Tears spring up) Oh, Nicki. What have you done to yourself now? Your face! (SHE touches NICKI’s face bandages) What if it scars?
JACOB:
Aww, we’d love her even if she looked like Freddy Krueger.
TRISTAN:
Yeah, we just couldn’t take her out in public anymore. (JACOB slugs HIM in the arm) Ouch! Well, maybe on Halloween…
NICKI:
I’m fine Mom. What happened anyway?
NICKI’S MOM:
You don’t remember?
(The DOCTOR walks in)
DOCTOR:
Nicki Galvarez? I’m Doctor Richards. How are you feeling?
NICKI:
Pretty good, I guess. I don’t remember what happened though.
DOCTOR:
(Consults her chart) It says you were in an accident with an eighteen -wheeler. You’re very lucky. Not many people survive without devastating injuries. (Looks her over and consults her chart again) It seems that you have only minor lacerations and a few bumps. You took a pretty serious blow to your abdomen, so we’ll have to run a few tests to make sure everything’s all right, and just to be on the safe side we’ll monitor you here overnight.
NICKI’S MOM:
It’s a wonder you’re still alive. (HER voice cracks on the last words and tears spring into HER eyes)
NICKI:
(Holds her Mom’s hand and looks up at her) I was always your miracle baby. (To the DOCTOR) But why can’t I remember anything?
DOCTOR:
(HE consults her chart again) You have a minor head injury. It gave you temporary amnesia. You should start remembering what happened soon.
TRISTAN:
I don’t think I’d want to remember getting hit by an eighteen-wheeler.
DOCTOR:
Nicki, I’ll send in a nurse to come get you for your tests. (To NICKI’S MOM, CHASE, JACOB, and TRISTAN) It shouldn’t take too long. You can wait in the cafeteria for her. I’ll send a nurse for you when she’s done.
JACOB:
Love ya, Nicki. See you soon.
TRISTAN:
See you Nicki.
CHASE:
I love you. I’ll be here when you get back.
NICKI’S MOM:
I love you baby. I’ll see you as soon as you’re done.
NICKI:
Bye everyone. I love y’all.
Scene 2:
NICKI’s hospital room again. Several hours have passed. NICKI is sitting up in bed talking to her Mom.
NICKI:
The thing that bothers me most is that I don’t remember why I was driving in the first place.
NICKI’S MOM:
Did you have any appointments this morning?
NICKI:
I don’t remember. Nothing at the dentist, no checkups, I haven’t been sick. (A beat) I don’t know why I’d be going to an appointment. Where was the accident at?
NICKI’S MOM:
I think it was on Miller Road.
NICKI:
Miller Road? That’s just outside the city. What would I be doing out there? There’s nothing out there.
NICKI’S MOM:
There’s a few stores, a clinic, and an animal shelter. Were you shopping, out of birth control pills, craving a new puppy?
NICKI:
I don’t think so…(SHE looks down to her lap). It’s like it’s on the very edge of my mind, trying to get back in.
NICKI’S MOM:
Just relax, it’ll come back to you.
NICKI:
I will. Thanks Mom.
Scene 3:
NICKI’s room. JACOB is talking to NICKI by her bedside. TRISTAN is sitting in the only chair, thumbing through a magazine.
JACOB:
How ya feeling Nicki?
NICKI:
Better. I still can’t remember much.
JACOB:
What’s the first thing you remember about that day?
NICKI:
I don’t know. (A beat) I remember waking up, Chase had left for work, and getting dressed.
JACOB:
Why were you getting dressed? Aren’t you off on Fridays?
NICKI:
Yeah. That’s the weird thing. I don’t remember why I was getting dressed.
(TRISTAN looks up from his magazine)
TRISTAN:
Hold up Nicki, didn’t you try to call me the night before?
NICKI:
Yeah, I think I was looking for Chase. I was gonna tell him something, but then I changed my mind.
JACOB:
What were you going to tell him?
NICKI:
(A beat. A concentrated look on her face.) I don‘t know.
JACOB:
Maybe it’s why you were out on Miller Road on a Friday morning when you should have been safe in bed. (JACOB’s fists clench at the end of the sentence)
NICKI:
It’s not your fault. You can’t always protect me.
JACOB:
You deserve so much better Nicki. More than any of us can give you, especially Chase.
NICKI:
(Suddenly defensive) What do you mean? He was the first one to come see me. He loves me. I know he does. (SHE drops her voice) He even told me he wants to get married.
JACOB:
I don’t know how to say this…
TRISTAN:
Then maybe you shouldn’t say it.
NICKI:
What is it? (Stiff silence for a beat) Tell me.
JACOB:
It’s just that we’ve known Chase a lot longer than you have Nicki. We know his personality a little bit better.
NICKI:
I’ve been dating him for three years. I’ve lived with him the past six months! How could you say that I don’t know him?! (The EKG machine beats louder and faster)
JACOB:
Calm down. I didn’t say that you didn’t know him. But I’ve known him since kindergarten. I know how he is in relationships.
NICKI:
Get out.
JACOB:
But Nicki-
NICKI:
Get out!
(The NURSE peeks in from offstage)
NURSE:
Is everything all right in here? Your monitor sent an alarm to the nurse’s station.
NICKI:
(Glaring at JACOB) Yes, everything’s fine. They were just leaving.
(The NURSE leaves. TRISTAN tosses his magazine down on the chair and walks out. JACOB remains a minute longer.)
JACOB:
Nicki-
NICKI:
(Tired) Please Jacob, just leave. (SHE turns her face away from him.)
JACOB:
I need to tell you something. It’s really-
NICKI:
Can it wait? I’m really tire-
JACOB:
Nicki, I love you.
NICKI:
(SHE turns her face toward him again.) I love you too, as a friend.
JACOB:
No, Nicki, I love you more than that. I’ve loved you longer than Chase has. That’s why I sent him in here first. (HE shakes his head) I was scared Nicki. Scared outta my mind this morning. When your mom called me and told me you were in an accident, my whole world stopped. Then when I got here I ran up to your room- but I couldn’t go in, not first, so I sent Chase in. I was trying to pull myself together so I wouldn’t break down when I saw you, ‘cause I had no idea what to expect.
NICKI:
(Stunned) Jacob, I… I don’t know what to say… I don’t love you in that way. I can’t. I love Chase.
JACOB:
I know you do. That’s why I haven’t said anything until now. But there’s something you should know about Chase…
NICKI:
What is it? What do I have to know about him?
JACOB:
He has co-
(The NURSE re-enters and interrupts him mid-sentence)
NURSE:
Sir? Visiting hours are over. You can come back again at 5.
JACOB:
(To NURSE) I’m leaving. (To NICKI) I’ll tell you later.
NICKI:
Fine. I’ll see you at 5 then. (JACOB and the NURSE leave. NICKI turns her head to the window and goes to sleep)
Scene 4:
NICKI’s room. The NURSE is going over NICKI’S test results with her. No one else is in the room.
NURSE:
All right Nicki, your test results came back. No internal bleeding, no hemorrhaging, your vital organs are all in working order, we’ll watch you overnight just to make sure that everything’s fine though. You should be able to leave by tomorrow.
NICKI:
(Fiddles with the blanket) That’s good. I still can’t remember much about the accident though.
NURSE:
It’s normal. If your memory doesn’t come back within a couple days then it’s something to worry about.
NICKI:
(Visibly relieved but still fiddling with the blanket) Okay, I guess I’ll just keep waiting on it.
NURSE:
We’re going to give you some pain medication. I just need to ask you a few questions about your health history.
NICKI:
Sure, go ahead.
NURSE:
Do you have a family history of heart disease, stroke, or blood clots?
NICKI:
No, not to my knowledge.
NURSE:
Are you on any other pain medications right now, even an aspirin regimen?
NICKI:
No, nothing.
NURSE:
Well, this last question I don’t need to ask you. We found that out when you came in.
NICKI:
What is it?
NURSE:
When your last menstruation period occurred. It seems as if it started during the accident. We were worried at first. The EMTs reported that you were losing an abnormal amount of blood. They didn‘t have time to check its source at the scene. One of the other nurses discovered it shortly after you arrived though.
NICKI:
(Far off look in her eyes) That’s not right. I’m not supposed to get my period for another week. It’s been regular since I got on birth control. I missed some pills a week ago though. And I’ve been feeling sick when I wake up. Ever since…Chase and I…(Shock on her face) Oh God!
NURSE:
Did you go get tested?
NICKI:
I took two over-the-counter tests and they both said positive. I was going to the doctor to see if it was really true. That’s why I was on Miller Road. And then the truck, it was trying to slow down. I remember the car flipping I don’t know how many times. That’s all I remember. (A beat.) My baby…there’s no way it survived is there?
NURSE:
Not from what we saw. No. I’m so sorry Nicki.
NICKI:
(A beat, when NICKI speaks she is sad, pleading) Can you go get my boyfriend please? I have to tell him.
NURSE:
Yes, I’ll be right back. (SHE leaves and returns moments later) He’s not here. Does he have a cell number?
NICKI:
No, he lost his phone last week. He hasn’t gotten a new one yet.
NURSE:
I’ll go get your mother.
NICKI:
Thank you.
Scene 5:
Nicki’s room. NICKI’S MOM is by her bedside. JACOB is on the other side of the bed. TRISTAN is sitting in the only chair again. There is a loud knock on the door causing NICKI to jump. CHASE walks in oblivious to everyone’s solemn manner.
CHASE:
Hey Nicki. Feeling better?
NICKI:
Chase, there’s something I need to tell you. (SHE looks around at everyone else and addresses them) Could you give us a minute? I need to talk to him alone.
(Everyone leaves, each giving CHASE a pitiful look as they pass him)
CHASE:
So, what’s up Nicki?
NICKI:
There’s something I have to tell you. (A beat) The reason I was driving this morning, I had an appointment. At the gynecologist’s.
CHASE:
Why were you going there? Were you out of pills again?
NICKI:
No, I thought that… no, I was…pregnant. (SHE tears up, HER voices shakes) But the accident…
CHASE:
(Looking stricken) You were pregnant? Why didn’t you tell me?
NICKI:
(Crying openly) I wanted to know for sure. I didn’t want to get your hopes up and then find out…
CHASE:
Get my hopes up? For what? I don’t want a child.
NICKI:
But you said you wanted to be a dad.
CHASE:
Yeah, someday. Not now. I can’t be a father now. I’m still young. I’m still dating around…
NICKI:
What do you mean dating around? You’ve been dating me for three years. Only me. Right?
CHASE:
(Turning away from her) I’ve got to go. I can’t be here right now. (HE makes for the door quickly)
NICKI:
Chase! Come back! (SHE pushes herself off the bed. SHE tries to run after CHASE but the EKG machine slows her. SHE rips off the electrodes, causing the machine to emit a flat line noise. SHE attempts to run after CHASE. SHE makes it halfway across the stage before she clutches her abdomen and falls, facing away from the audience. The EKG continues its loud flat line sound as the lights blackout and the curtain closes.)
Okay, so the blog messed up my italics but I finally got it to post in regular format instead of a big confusing blob. So, keeping in tradition with the theme of death and malevolent significant others, I bring you: Flat Line.
ReplyDeleteHaha, I sympathize, I had to reformat for another half hour after I first posted mine. Also, one quick thing about formatting-type stuff that's not really a big deal: you titled it a play in five acts, but you actually did it in five scenes. I think the technical difference is whether or not the curtain goes down.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, wow! Very dramatic!
I thought some of the dialogue seemed a little awkward, like in a soap opera when you think "that's not how people really talk." Examples of forced-seeming lines that were kind of jarring:
"CHASE: How’d you sleep? That anesthesia they gave you must have been pretty strong. You’ve been out for hours."
and
"NICKI:
I’ve been dating him for three years. I’ve lived with him the past six months! How could you say that I don’t know him?!"
That said, I like that you clearly approached this with a well-defined idea of your dramatic structure and story. I really like the fact that Jacob and Tristan are Chase's friends, and they show up, while Nicki only has her mom and no one her own age. It's a nice little window into the one-sided nature of the relationship.
The use of the heart monitor seemed a little cliche to my mind, but on second thought, it's really never done on the stage, and if the actors don't overplay their notice of it (again, echoing an overdone soap opera is the danger), it could work out to be a very fresh and clever tool.
Good job!
Thanks for catching that formatting error. This is my first drama piece. Prof. Hrebik is right though, if he hadn't made us do a drama piece I wouldn't have tried it. I felt like the language was a little stiff too, another thing I need to work on. Thanks for the help!
ReplyDeleteThe sheer concept of the ending is a very moving and powerful thing. It's very brave of you to approach it through drama. Most people would want a chance to get inside the head of an amnesiac, put it in fiction, but I admire your determination.
ReplyDeleteI agree with Antonia, sometimes the dialogue felt stiff. Being less explicit and more sneaky with the way you reveal information might add some real depth to the play.
I felt that Jacob's love for Nicki cluttered the plot. I'm not sure it's totally necessary.
I would really love to see Chase's character developed a bit more, particularly through his own actions and not just the words of his friends. At this stage, his behavior at the climax has no foundation. There isn't really anything to contrast it with.
And there might be a way of saying that Chase has been cheating besides "dating around" that would have more impact, more heartbreak.
Also, I feel like the miscarriage would be hard to slip past the doctors. It might be really powerful if they know full well she's miscarried.
I found myself really drawn to the mother. I like her a lot. I like the way you developed her and felt a lot of sadness for HER when Nicki died at the end.
Great Job. I really did enjoy it, and I was totally invested in the characters. My heart broke for Nicki-- she didn't deserve any of the tragedy heaped on her head.
Well, that was intense. You did a great job of keeping me in. However, like evyone else the dialogue seemed off somehow. Don't worry that's what revision is for. I also thought that the part where Jacob confessed his love to her was a bit rushed I guess. I'm not really sure. I think it just needs to be elaborated more especially since we really don't get to know Jacob as well as Nicki. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteI agree with Emma that I wish Chase's character had developed a bit more. Maybe he could have been outside the door flirting with the nurse at some point, or something so that we know he's a sleezeball without his friends having to say it.
ReplyDeleteWait, Nicki doesn't die, right? I thought she was just experiencing abdominal pain from the miscarriage. I thought the machine flatlines because she pulls off the electrodes, but not because she dies.
I also agree that Jacob confessing his love seemed a bit unnecessary just because nothing else happens with that in the story.
When there were "(beat)"s in between dialogue was that the heart monitor beeping? I wasn't sure what you meant by that, because at the beginning you said the EKG was beeping steadily through the whole play.
Very interesting story! I love the way the amnesia was used to prevent us from seeing the entire picture.
ReplyDeleteMaybe use that a little more, even? Create some more tension.
I, personally, liked the heart monitor ending. It would seem cliche if she actually died at the end and the heart monitor signified that. I like how it was used to show the death of her relationship--or what she thought was a relationship.
Great job!
Very good story! I must say that I agree with Emma that finding out that the other friend is in love with her does not really add much to the story, and also I would like to see Chase developed a bit more. From the little that the other two guys say, its evident thst he isn't a good guy!
ReplyDeleteI like how as Nicki remembers the story comes together more. Thats really interesting! U did a good job of using amnesia to slowly give us the story!
So I most definitely tried to post this, and it wouldn't let me. Ugh!
ReplyDeleteI think you did a good job with the story. It was very dramatic and compelling, and I like how the title hinted at the ending without giving away too much.
I would really like you to focus on the dialogue here. It sounds a little cookie-cutter and soap opera-y. However, you have some good dialogue. I like when Tristan says that if he had gotten hit by an eighteen=wheeler, he wouldn't want to remember. That's so original and really says a good bit about his character. Focus on developing more dialogue like that for everyone else. Try reading it aloud and then possibly cast some of your friends as the characters and have them do a read-through. You'll catch a lot of stuff that way, and that'll make the whole thing more aurally pleasing (YAY GLEE REFERENCES!).
I like what Tori said about the beats. I know you probably meant that to be a pause. However, an EKG is a very dramatic way to fill silence. Just consider that.
Finally, you can leave out a lot of stuff in drama. Go through and see if you need all the stage directions. Also, the part where everyone tells Nikki bye...maybe have some of them say bye and some of them wave. That's a lot of byes.
NO real conclusion, so we need that
ReplyDeleteInteresting the way the pregnancy comes up. The doctor and nurse are very flat and "doctory". I would work on making them more authentic and unique.
I just feel like i havent seen enough of how this plays out to understand how chase's infidekity and jacobs feelings play into the story. Let me know how its supposed to end, then we'll see.
That last post was ZARAS in emmas account. Sorry.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone. I like the idea of the story, but I would have liked a little bit more development of everyone.
ReplyDeleteJacob's confession felt forced, if you had worked it in more slowly, it might have made more sense. Its possibly because we don't know what the last three years have been like, but I found myself not really caring that Jacob loved her at all. Maybe a scene between chase and jacob, when he sent chase in instead? That way we'd be introduced to Jacob early, and get a chance to see his devotion.
The dialogue did feel a little forced at some points, but I agree with Antonia, I think you approached writing with a defined plan of the things you want to happen. Good job!
Overall, a little more fleshing out of your ideas and the characters would help, but it was a good read, and I think seeing it live/seeing people deliver the lines might have helped it to feel more authentic at some points.
<3 Liv
Crazy story! I feel there's a little something missing though. I think it's towards the end. It feels too rushed. That guy that cheated on the protagonist seems too nonchalant about telling his girlfriend he's cheating on her and leaving her in the hospital.
ReplyDeleteThis is an interesting story with a lot going on. I would like to see the characters more developed. I don't feel like the two guys are very distinct. I think Chase should have more involvement because he comes off very strong in the beginning then disappears. If Nikki was in a horrible accident, I dont think she should allowed to go home the next day. I think you should add some seriousness to her injury. Also, if I woke up and couldnt remember what happened I would freak out at first. I would like to see her a little more worried. However, good job!!!
ReplyDeleteLike Danielle and some others, I would like to see the characters a little more developed. I loved the idea of the story, but I needed a little more. Some of the dialogue got confusing at parts, but nothing too hard to follow. Like Katie, I also felt some parts were a bit rushed.
ReplyDeleteOther than that, great job!