"The Sun Also Rises" Twilight Zone Episode # 463

“The Sun Also Rises” Twilight Zone Episode. #463
A Play in Three Acts
by
Andrew Labuzienski

Intro to  Creative Writing
Prof. Dale Hrebik
Loyola University New Orleans
April 15, 2011

Characters:
Louis Seaman
Father Derrick “Dulphy” Sorin
Al Johnson
Marlo Lipschitz
Mr. Dunst
Waitress



Act I

Narrator
You’re traveling through another dimension--a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind.  There is a fifth dimension beyond that which is known to man.  It is a dimension as vast as space and as timeless as infinity.  It is the middle ground between light and shadow, between the pit of man’s fears and the summit of his knowledge.  This is the dimension of the imagination.  It is an area we call the Twilight Zone. 

Setting
Inside of a car Parked in mall parking lot.  It is a hot summer day. The windows are up and the air conditioning is on high.  The car is filled with a dank smelling smoke.

Louis
Here you go man.  (Passes half finished joint to Marlo)

Marlo
Tank you mama san(In mock asian accent).

Louis
Oh, you very very welcome.(Both fold hands and mock bow to one another.  Lou takes a deep inhale and releases contents slowly.)  Hey can I ask you something?(Coughing)

Marlo
Um, yeah go for it.

Louis
Well, what I want to know is, what are we doing here at the mall? I mean, it’s summer, and we’ve already been here twice this week.  You know, it just kinda seems like all we do anymore is get high and go to the mall.  I mean, fuck man!

Marlo
No fucking way.  You are way off base.  Sometimes we get high and go to the movies.

Louis
Good point my young padawan.

Marlo
Well master, it just so happens that we are here because I need to pick up the first season of Glee.  My dad’s birthday is next week, and he eats that shit up. 

Louis
God I can’t stand that show. 

Marlo
Yeah I know, but he really loves it for some reason.  Plus I think Mama Schitz is gonna take him out to a real fancy dinner, probably over at Polito’s. 

Louis
Gooooood o’l Mama Schitz.

Marlo
Yeah dude. Here you go.(Passes joint.  They see Matt Petsche walking into the mall from a distance.)

Louis
Oh shit man.  There goes Petsche. 

Marlo
Damn.  I heard that after the Switch happened his sister went fucking crazy.

Louis
Yup.  She fucked her boyfriend using a wal-mart bag instead of a condom.  Pretty fucking crazy.

Marlo
Goddamn.  That is fucking foul!

Louis
Yeah.  They could have at least used a Target bag.

Marlo
Haha for real.  I guess some people just can’t handle the change.  Just the other day I heard Leonard Annis killed himself.  Jumped off of the parking garage on LaSalle Street.  The crazy thing was he filled all of his pockets with as many pennies as they could hold, so when he hit the ground, those just pennies flew everywhere.  I guess he probably wanted to make some innocent bystander feel like he just won the lottery.  I mean, we seem to be doing just fine.  We do the same things we did before.  The sun just sets in the East now. 

Louis

Yeah. Big fucking deal.  This town is boring as fuck no matter which direction the sun sets. 

Marlo
I bet California was pissed though.  No more sunsets for those bastards.

Louis
Yeah, but here nobody gives a fuck which part of a cornfield the sun sets on.(Pause.  Marlo rolls down the windows.)

Marlo
(Exhales cigarette smoke) You know, I had the best idea for a useless invention.  It’s a pretty good one.

Louis
No way.  Nothing could be more useless than the one we thought of last week.  An aircraft carrier to carry aircraft carriers on?  That was pretty fucking retarded.

Marlo
Oh yeah?

Louis
Definitely.

Marlo
This little doozie I thought up, let’s just say the name says it all.  It’s called.....the poop hammer.

Louis
Shit! that’s pretty fucking useless.

Marlo
Tell me about it.  Praise Raptor Jesus!  I was just sitting there and bam! Poop hammer just flew into my head!

Louis
Raptor Jesus works in mysterious ways.(They laugh.  Comfortable silence)

Marlo
So are we going into the mall or what?  My dad needs his fix of Glee or he’s gonna flip a shit.

Louis
Well as long as he doesn’t hit his shit with a hammer I think it’s all fine and dandy. 

Marlo
Maybe we’ll see Petsche in there stocking up on plastic bags for his sister.

Louis
Oh man, as enticing as that sounds I think I am going to have to pass.  I have to go do some shit.

Marlo
What the duck do you have to do?  It’s 4:30 on a tuesday in the summer.  You have no job, no girlfriend.  What could you be doing that’s better than walking around the mall with me laughing at the sad mall skanks.

Louis
You are quite the salesman, but I promised my mom I would do something for her.

Marlo
Alright man no worries.  Pick me up the same time tomorrow?

Louis
Yup.  Let me check my schedule.(Pretends to pull something out of his pocket and opens an imaginary planner.) Just as I thought.  2:30 sharp: a blunt and a trip to the dollar theatre.

Marlo
Thank you for opening up the slot.(Tips imaginary hat as he exits the car and says with respect)Doctor.

Louis
Good day to you doctor.(Marlo heads into the mall wobbly due to highness.)


Act II
Setting: In a dimly lighted 70’s style bowling alley.  Cigarette smoke in the air.  Noises of pins crashing in the background.  Characters situated by ball return.  Al is sitting.

Dulphy
I gotta strike!

Al
No. No you didn’t.

Dulphy
How the fuck would you know?  You are blind as a fucking bat.

Al
I may be blind, but my dad taught me one thing when I was little.  He told me if a priest ever tells you something, its’s probably not true.  Also I may be blind but I’m not fucking deaf.  You got a four, and your lucky I’m giving you a four cause you crossed the fucking line with your toe.

Dulphy
Fuck.  You know me too well.  I’ll go grab us a couple of beers. 

Al
Lying to a blind man.  What’s the matter with you Dulphy?  I can’t imagine what you tell those poor little bastards in Sunday school.  You probably tell em’ the world switched directions, just because of us damn sinners.  Or maybe the head honcho, changed the good o’l book, to include a nice little retroactive prophesy or two. 

Dulphy
Hey fuck you.  I have a job to do, and I try to do it.  That’s a little more than I can say for you.  All you do about it when somebody brings it up is say in your best Stevie Wonder voice, “Holy shit! What happened!?  The sun sets in the fucking east now?  Why didn’t anyone tell me!”  Your just a blind fucking joker.

Al
And what the hell are you?  That’s right.  Your just a blind joker wearing a collar pretending he CAN see.  And all you do is spend your sweet little congregation’s money on bowling, cigarettes, and brew. 

Dulphy
So I guess you don’t want a beer.

Al
Nah.  Think I’ll take that beer.  Whatever it takes to keep you honest.  Speaking of honesty what time are you heading out to dinner?

Dulphy
Oh shit! What time is it?

Al
How the fuck would I know. I’m blind you son of a bitch.

Dulphy
(Looks up at a clock.) God damnit.  I gotta run.  Do you wanna finish up my last few frames.

Al
No but I’ll go grab those pins you missed and shove em’ where the sacred light don’t shine.

Dulphy
Haven’t you learned anything? Cursing is a sin.  Five Hail Marys and ten Our Fathers, and may God have mercy on your wretched soul........(mumbles) you blind bastard.(Leaves bowling alley)

Al
Damn. He was my ride.


Act III
Setting: Mel’s Diner.  Stools circled around counter.  Waitresses with blue white hair.  Checkered floors.  Looks like something out of a bad movie.  Mickey Mouse clock next to a picture of Elvis with a fake signature.

Host
How many?

Dulphy
Two.

Host
Right this way father.(Leads him to two empty stools in between two families with young children.  He is still in his collar.  He waits, tearing up his napkin into small strips.)

Waitress
Hey Dulphy.  How you doing?

Dulphy
You know.  I haven’t been smite yet.

Waitress
That don’t mean it’s not coming sugar.  Anyhow, can I get you sum’in to drink?

Dulphy
Can you get me a black coffee, doll?

Waitress
Coming right up.(Dulphy tears at his napkin anxiously while he waits.  Louis enters, and sits down next to Dulphy.)
Louis
Hey father.

Dulphy
Hey Louie. How’s it hanging?

Louis
Slightly to the left padre.

Waitress
Here’s your coffee father.  What are you boys havin’ today?

Dulphy
I’ll get an order of The Wets, with a hardboiled egg and some rye toast.

Waitress
How bout you darlin’?

Louis
Can I get a tall stack of blueberry pancakes, three eggs scrambled, a side a bacon, some white toast, a side of hash browns, and a large coke please.  Oh and some chili cheese fries please?

Waitress
You got it baby.(Waitress leaves with menus.)

Dulphy
Damn boy.  You sure are hungry.

Louis
(Smirking) Yeah I worked up quite an appetite today at the mall.

Dulphy
I’ll bet you did.

Louis
So what’s new old man?

Dulphy
Not a whole lot.  Just got done bowling with Al. 

Louis
How’d you do?

Dulphy
I anointed my ball with some holy oil to give it a little more, you know, chutzpah.  Only got a 99 though, which that blind son of a bitch did not fail to notice.

Louis
Sounds like a rough day of saving lost souls.

Dulphy
Yeah well you know.  The Lord works in mysterious ways.  What’d you get up to?  Probably something very productive, I’ll bet you’re very busy trying to make your mama proud.

Louis
Well at least I didn’t wash my balls with holy oil.(Man sitting next to Louis looks over inquisitively.)  Has the sun been getting to your head or are you always this sacrilege?

Dulphy
You know me, just God’s humble servant.  Even in these times, I gotta watch over my little flock.

Louis
Is that what you call em’ now?  How endearing.  You probably shouldn’t call the people who pay for your holy rolling at Regal Lanes, the dumbest animals on the Earth.  But I guess they’d have to be pretty dumb to keep you around as their shepherd.

Dulphy
Hey, those sheep are paying for your munchies.

Louis
Fantastic.  I’ll grant them all indulgences for all the crazy shit they’ve been doing lately.

Dulphy
Yeah, with what divine power do you plan on doing that?

Louis
Well, I get my power from Raptor Jesus, my Jurassic Lord and savior.  He is actually responsible for the whole sun thing you know.  They don’t talk about it on the news, but I have faith that this is all part of his plan.

Dulphy
Do you always have to do this shit whenever we meet?

Louis
All I’m saying is, that Raptor Jesus is no less believable than when you told your congregation that the Switch is just a test of faith.  Why can’t you just admit that nobody knows why it happened?  Science can’t explain it.  Catholicism can’t explain it.  If it was the Apocalypse or the Second Coming, why hasn’t it happened yet.  It’s been two and a half weeks since the Switch, and where is God? Oh I know, he’s probably toking it up with Raptor Jesus.

Dulphy
You’re a raging cynic just like your mother.  You just can’t believe in anything bigger than yourself.

Louis
That’s right, and you are God’s grace incarnate on Earth.  I’m so glad to see somebody got it right.(Family on Louis’ side leaves abruptly)

Dulphy
Nobody is perfect son.

Louis
Well padre, I guess I’m living proof huh?

Dulphy
You are just living proof that the Catholic church should allow contraceptives.

Louis
Yeah, obviously you are a pillar of the Catholic Doctrine.  I know you inspire me, dad.(There is a loud bang behind them at the entrance of Mel’s.  Everyone turns around abruptly.  The man has a remington hunting rifle in his hand)

Dulphy
Mr. Dunst what the FUCK are you doing!

Mr. Dunst
You lied to me and my family, FATHER.  You told us this was the work of God.  That he was finally coming to take us home!

Dulphy
Listen let’s put the gun down, and go talk about this somewhere else.  I think you misunderstood me.

Mr. Dunst
NO! Your words are LIES!  This isn’t God!  This is the DEVIL!  You made my sweet little  Jessica kill herself.  She was only seventeen, and now she is Gone!  I’m gonna show you and your bastard God’s will.

Dulphy
Don’t do anything rash Mr. Dunst.(Dunst shoulders his rifle, and looks down the barrel straight at Louis.)Son! (Dulphy leaps off of his stool as the rifle booms.  Dulphy falls in a pool of his fresh blood, as three men tackle Dunst.  Louis stares down in shock, his face lit by the glow of the sun setting in the East.

Narrator
The seed of doubt does not necessarily come with hellfire or deadly disasters. It has been lurking in remission all along, waiting for an opportunity, a scapegoat.  The human mind is a fragile place, and needs no Switch to uncover its darkest doubt, which has always been there secretly hiding.  The Switch caused no colossal consequence, in fact new generations could easily be brought up with their cowboys riding into the East, archiving the Switch to mere historical fact, however this could not be.  The deadly consequences came out of man’s imagination, and needs for answers, and truth.  The pity of it is that it cannot be attributed to the Twilight Zone.